I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
