remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
