Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
