Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
