I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
