My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
