I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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