we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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