too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
