This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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