it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
