are you still at the devil's house?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
