are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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