Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
