Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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