It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
