i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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