my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
