kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I think people are normalizing furries
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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