fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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