Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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