You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
