dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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