He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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