I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
