I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
