i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
