I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
