you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
