Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
