): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
So here I am, sexting at work.
we should paint friendship bongs
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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