Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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