Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
