im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
