i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
