The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
