My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
