Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
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he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
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As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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