she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
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I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
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I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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