so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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