So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You are a genius and a whore.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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