I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
