They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
