shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
