im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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