I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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