Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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