You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Are we still banned from the library?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
