there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
