Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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