Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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