so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
