"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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