I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
