Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
