If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
